I’m making it, right?

I have a good paying job.  I have responsibilities at work.  I have progressed in my career.  I have a home and a family.  I have a place of my own and a circle of friends.  I do a variety of activities outside of work.  I play hard.  I have contributed to the community.  I am making it, correct?

Why then do I have this gnawing inside me – like I know there is more, but what is it?  Or I keep having nudges of old ideas and dreams and know that is not possible – I am making it.  I meet the everyday standards for a successful life, why am I not content?  I am being me or what is expected of me, yet, I don’t feel like me.  Does it sound like I am talking in circles?  I feel like I am going in circles.  I had big dreams and nothing has happened.  The days and years have passed.  I am making it, but I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.  I have made lots of decisions by default, what was the responsible thing to do, what was expected, what was available and I can do that, or what I thought others would want.

I know I am smart and can do anything I put my mind to.  I have learned much in many different areas.  I have solved problems.  I have created long lasting events, entities, and contributed to many companies and organizations.  I have started anew many times and achieved results.  I have dreamed, but not really accomplished my dreams.

I have layer upon layers of me.  I have many masks I wear depending on the situation, the environment and the triggers I am responding to.  All the masks I wear, all the roles I play are connected by who I am – and who is that?  I want to take the many masks I wear and recognize the idiosyncrasy of each one.   I want to recognize the common foundation.  I want to create an integrated image that shouts this is me.  I want to express my talents and abilities, leaving a legacy.  I want to make a contribution that keeps on giving.  I want to experience joy and not hold back because of the down that follows.  I want to be comfortable being in my flow more consistently, knowing it signifies my difference and that is ok.  I want to soar with the owl – observing and acting in the dark and in the light.

I want to be me, that child that dances and shouts for joy about the little things.  I want to see the world with awe and wonder and not through filters of should.   I want to be comfortable in crying, singing, quiet, and zealous verbosity.  I want to put the puzzle pieces together for the problems for which I see solutions.   I want to create my story – fantasy and all.  I want to flit and flight from one thing to another.  I want to pursue an endless bucket list.  I want to be a whirlwind of activity and a roller coaster of emotions.

It is time I understood who I am.  It is time I broke out of the parameters of expectations and habits that bind me.  It is time I achieve mastery of my chosen potential.   It is time I expressed my multi-talents with elegance and continuance.  It is time I connected through my multi-talents with others of like mind and integrally with those around me.  It is time I connected the pattern of dots I can see and make that my reality.

Are you making it?  Are you feeling and incongruence?  Is it time for you to be?

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