Others’ Reactions

I have been working on a major project which is to come to a main bench mark here shortly.  The thought of putting me out there brings excitement, enthusiasm and a great deal of trepidation.  Yes, I am worried about others’ reactions and the results.

As a coping strategy, I shoot for maintaining a neutral viewpoint.  The results will be what they will be.  I have put forth my best effort.  True everything is not perfect, but I have applied myself diligently toward excellence.   You see that way whatever the outcome I am to accept it gracefully without an emotional reaction.

The reality is there is a lot of self-doubt.  Will my presentation relate to the audience?  Will people understand what I am trying to say?  Will I achieve my intended goal?  Am I really as smart as I think I am and others say I am?  Ok, is this just ordinary fear stepping in?  Does everyone have this experience?  Am I just human?

Another factor to the neutral approach is that it minimizes the exuberance or the devastation of the outcome.  Now there is nothing neutral about that.  It is intense.  The neutral approach is the result of shutting down the intensity of feeling anything and everything.  It is like riding a roller coaster with the breaks on all the time.  This takes a lot of energy to maintain and can be quite exhausting.  It is hard work.  It would be much easier to let the roller coaster go full tilt.  Then we come full cycle – how will others react?  I need to fit in, too.  Enter the Imposter syndrome into the experience.

Knowing this will be what I will go through with whatever I try strengthens my basic resistance for trying anything or going for a goal.  Keep it safe, keep it simple, just do my job.  That will be a lot easier; boring, not as much fun, but less energy generating or draining.  Will I take the risk?  Will I maintain the wall around the emotions?

I so want to be like Happy Feet – lead from within; acknowledge the strength in my differences and DANCE!  This will take courage.  It is not the easy road.  It is the road less traveled.

How can I go forth and embrace me and my accomplishments?   I need to understand, honor, and acknowledge who I am.  I need to not do it alone.  I need to connect with others of like mind and establish a support team.  Yes there is power in numbers even to conquer internal fear and resistance.  Courage to act – for action speaks the loudest.  So I will proceed.

That does not mean the trepidation has vanished.  However, I am moving beyond neutral and will DANCE, knowing that others’ reactions will vary and be theirs.  I will be supported and know exuberance in my expression of who I am.

And what about you???????

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